A few months ago, I wrote about some of the aspects of moving because of work. If you read it, you know I recently moved because of my partner's work and how that challenged some of the beliefs I developed throughout my life.
Well, it's happening again and this time, I can't accompany him (at least for now).
Let's talk a little bit about it.
His line of work
My partner is a civil engineer, and as such, he cannot work from home, obviously. His professional dream, ever since he was in college, was to work with infrastructure.
About two years ago, in December 2021, he had his first proper break, after quitting a job in an architecture office, focused mainly on residential construction, and being fired from an engineering projects firm, finally being able to dip his toes in infrastructure in a full-time role. That was the first time he had to move.
The phases of our relationship
We were barely completing our first year living together and I was working in a Chilean start-up company, which was about to re-open their offices in my country. I thought to myself that I didn't want to leave the city and risk losing my job to join him, so I stayed alone in our apartment with our dog and even found a lovely roommate a few months later.
We went from living together to a long-distance relationship, me in his hometown and him in mine. It was not an easy period for us, but at least I had his family and my roommate and he had my family.
Two burnout crises and two companies later, in January 2023, I decided it was finally time to join him and go back to living together. In April 2023, I packed our apartment and we moved to a small beach town, in which we were living together.
From April til now, we almost moved again and grew fonder and fonder of our life here. I started cherishing our house more and more until one morning, he came to our room with the biggest smile on his face, telling me he had just accepted a job to work heavily with infrastructure, deep within our country's heart, and a 1000km from our house.
The catch was: I wouldn't be joining him this time.
The changes I didn't want to deal with
As much as I knew how much that meant to him, I couldn't help but feel crushed. The future I had pictured for us was going to be left on the back burner for a while. I would go back to living alone again, in different circumstances this time.
The practical difficulties
My job and my mindset are a lot healthier now and I live in a much cheaper place. But I'm more isolated. I am closer to my family now, but I live in a town where public transport is not nearly as good as it was in the big city and I don't have a car.
I relied 100% on him for transportation and might have to rely on some family members to come pick me up from time to time. I do have a license, but I got it in March 2023 and quite frankly, I'm a little scared to drive alone still.
Renting a car would also be an option, but again, I'm scared, still can't parallel-park and that would be a big expense to keep up with. I'm studying it further, though.
I also don't know virtually anyone in this town, so I get a sense of greater isolation and loneliness. Finding someone to share our house with would be much harder this time, and I don't know if I want to either. Nowadays, the people I talk to the most, besides my family, are my work colleagues, all of whom are either in Argentina, India, or Europe.
The emotional damage
Because of all that happened last year and earlier this year (my most severe burnout crisis, long unemployment period, and moving), I'm afraid being alone might trigger some traumas again.
I can picture a lot of scenarios that have a decent chance of actually coming to fruition and not all are the most pleasant. These are my main concerns:
I'm scared jealousy might become a problem for us
I don't know what path this will lead me on in terms of mental health
I know that some days, missing him will actually physically hurt
I don't how long we'll be long-distance again for
I don't know how permanent these constant moves will end up being
I have no other option but to deal with all this. How, though?
When I say internal work is important for every single aspect of our life, I really mean it. I have no other option but to enjoy my own company, build a healthy routine, exercise, and try to carve a nice spot for myself, wherever that might be.
Self-care isn't always easy and can demand great amounts of energy to be well put into practice. I have been through a similar situation before and I cherish, now more than ever, the importance of it in difficult or more introspective phases of life. In the end, life's journey is a constant ebb and flow of changes, sometimes even when we resist it. But it's in these moments of reluctance and uncertainty that we find our greatest opportunities for growth and self-discovery (or at least that's what I'll be telling myself).
The truth is that we virtually don't have control over our circumstances, and many times we either embrace and try to make the most out of it or we go down a path of frustration. I know I have.
Change can be the very catalyst that propels us towards a future filled with new horizons and unforeseen possibilities.
Let's see what the future brings. I'll be back to tell you!
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