As I was going through some posts these past couple of days, I realized I talk a lot about being kinder to yourself, understanding your limitations, not judging how you feel, and so on, but I never actually explain how to do that.
So today, that's the plan. I want to share some of my tactics to be kinder to myself and heal from a pattern of over-judging and over-condemning myself.
My tactics for how to be kind to yourself
Practice Self-Compassion:
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.
Replace self-criticism with self-compassion. When you make a mistake or face challenges, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and it's a part of being human.
Self-Acceptance:
Embrace your imperfections and flaws as a natural part of being human. Remember you are unique because of them. Want a small example? I might not like my nose by itself but I learned to observe it along with the rest of my face and see how beautifully it composes with my other features. It also reminds me of my dad, it's the thing that makes us look alike.
Understand that nobody is perfect, and striving for perfection is unrealistic and unhealthy. I don't want the pressure of being perfect all the time.
Positive Self-Talk:
Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive and affirming statements as soon as it comes to your mind. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Focus on your strengths and accomplishments rather than dwelling on your weaknesses.
Set Realistic Goals:
Set achievable goals and expectations for yourself. Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment, frustration, and guilt. I know I probably won't make U$1000 in my first year blogging, so I won't expect that to happen only to be disappointed and looking for what I could've done differently.
Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. One more reader from a different country this month? Awesome! One client that liked my work in my day job? Even better.
Take Care of Your Physical Health:
Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Way easier said than done, but do it anyway. One slice of pizza or one can of Coke a week is better than the five you had last week. Take it step by step.
Avoid overindulgence in unhealthy behaviors that may provide temporary relief but harm your long-term well-being.
That being said, don't deprive yourself so much of things you enjoy from time to time. Of course, you won't have a glass of rosé every day, but on a weekend brunch with your friends, go for it.
Self-Care:
Prioritize self-care activities that make you feel good and relaxed. This can include reading, taking baths, practicing mindfulness, or spending time in nature.
Try your best not to feel guilty about taking breaks and setting boundaries with others when necessary.
Don't forget self-care is also taking care of yourself and that's not always easy.
Seek Support:
Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist when you're feeling overwhelmed or in need of emotional support. Don't underestimate the impact of simply letting things out.
Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
Practice Mindfulness:
Engage in mindfulness and meditation to stay in the present moment and reduce anxiety about the past or future. I love breathing exercises for it and you can find a bunch on Google or Youtube.
Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Just focus on being a watcher of yourself in the present moment.
Forgive Yourself:
Forgive yourself for past mistakes and shortcomings. Holding onto grudges against yourself can be detrimental to your self-esteem. You did what you could with what you had.
Practice Self-Love:
Make a list of things you love about yourself and revisit it when you're feeling low.
Treat yourself with small acts of kindness, like buying yourself a favorite treat or engaging in a hobby you enjoy.
Make that a part of your routine!
Summing it up
Remember that being kind to yourself is an ongoing process, and it's okay to have days when self-criticism creeps in. The key is to acknowledge those thoughts and gently redirect them toward self-compassion and kindness. Building a habit of self-kindness takes time and practice, so be patient with yourself as you work toward a healthier and more loving relationship with yourself.
It is also important to note here that self-kindness is not meant to be used to keep yourself from being accountable if that makes sense. You can acknowledge mistakes and better yourself while practicing self-kindness.
The aim here is to mitigate psychological self-harm, negative self-talk any other seemingly small habits that end up trashing our self-worth and esteem.
Treat yourself as you would a best friend!
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