When in Rome
When I first went to Rome, I had the joy of taking one whole day to just wander around the Roman Forum and Palatine Hill.
I'm a big history affectionate so reading through all the plaquettes and getting a sense of life at ancient times was an absolute pleasure. Of course, much of Roman history and the empire's influence on the world has a lot to do with Julius Caesar, so let's talk about him a little bit.
Caesar and Alexander
One of his stories has recently been resonating deeply with me. Before being THE Julius Caesar, he was a young Roman general in charge of some provinces. While in the region of Spain, he visited a temple where he found a statue of Alexander the Great. He spent some time looking at it and started sobbing. He felt bad for himself for being older than Alexander and not having conquered anything close to what Alexander had at his time. Caesar thought he had nothing to show up for, nothing worthwhile, and so he pitted himself before deciding to go back to Rome and be the Roman ruler we know and love.
I recently caught myself doing the exact same thing. I started comparing myself to several friends in my closest circle and just throwing a huge self-pity party for myself. Most of them started making more than I ever have, they work in the fields they graduated in, they are planning weddings, trips, and are building up their wealth. How do I compare to them?
My pity party
I'm living in the countryside, following my boyfriend around to where he has to work because I decided I wanted to work from home from now on. I have been formerly unemployed since December 2022 and haven't been able to succeed in any recent hiring processes up until the day I'm writing this post. I had to take some time to recover from a severe burnout crisis and I feel like I'm going forward completely in the dark. Trying to cope with all this self-pity can be quite challenging.
How I'm coping
I've written a little about it here and here, and the way I'm trying to do it is by not judging myself when it happens. I think this self-pity, in my case, comes from a place of knowing my worth and being frustrated because I can't seem to translate it better. It also comes from a place of hope, weirdly, in the sense that I hope can get to practice all I've preached soon, and it frustrates me that I haven't been able to in the depth that I want.
The second thing I try to do, once my headspace is clear enough for it, is to remind myself that although I'm not making a 6-figure annual income yet, I do have my accomplishments and things I am proud of in my life.
I managed to move to the city I'd dreamed of living in
I have lived somewhere that actually gets cold in the winter (having grown up in a very hot tropical city, it was also a dream of mine)
I got to live alone and experience life away from my hometown
I fully furnished 2 apartments,
I made honest and long-lasting connections with people everywhere I went
I have the full support of my family for anything I choose to do
I have the greatest and most loyal dog ever
I have a great relationship I'm excited to see going well into the future
I got to experience life in a huge city and in little small towns
I'm getting to experience my country on a deeper level
And finally, after listing it all to myself, I can't help but feel grateful for all I have done so far. Can it get better? An awful lot! But I'm done waiting for life to get better to start enjoying it. I'm on my way back to Rome.
What about you?
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