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Today, I thought I'd bring you one of my favorite things I took from my experience working in a start-up environment.
Start-ups tend to be fast-paced, result-oriented, high-performing, casual, and very upfront. Depending on how you function ideally, this might be a nightmare or a dream, and I generally enjoyed it.
Of course, it doesn't come without its cons, but I wanted to focus on one good thing today, which is communication.
Again, this is my take on what I took from my past experiences, so not all start-up companies will be like this, let's make this clear.
How I actually learned non-violent communication
May 2022 was the month I started working in the last start-up before the burnout crisis. If you want to learn more about it, it's all here.
From the get-go, the CEO, who happens to now be a personal friend of mine, told us that a significant part of the company's culture would be this type of non-violent communication.
He had just read a book called Radical Candor, which speaks for a management philosophy based on caring personally while challenging directly.
Leadership was something I was trying to get better at, as I have been a manager before and not an excellent one. I was too young and it was all of a sudden, so I thought I might give this book a try since it was also part of the company's culture.
I could really see their efforts in trying to be as kind as possible while saying what needed to be said and I truly appreciate that. I think this book has made a big difference in my work and management style and if you would like to give it a read (which I highly recommend), click the image below.
What I understand by non-violent communication (or NVC)
Let's dig into what took from this book, starting with what I think NVC is:
It's a form of communication where the main priority is being empathetic and understanding while effectively saying what needs to be said.
That means pointing out specific situations and exemplifying where you are coming from, ideally in a non-judgmental way in order for you to create a strong connection with the person you are talking to and create this open channel of feedback and honesty.
And how do I apply that to my life and work?
I don't know about you, but I was already acquainted with the concept of NVC before being introduced to the Radical Candor (RC) culture. I later found out that the concept I was already familiar with was by a guy named Marshall Rosenberg.
He built his vision under four main principles which I think connect a lot with what Radical Candor proposes. So here is what I learned from both and how I apply it to my life.
Caring Personally (RC) vs. Observations (NVC)
In Radical Candor, "Caring Personally" is about building strong personal relationships and showing genuine concern for others. It involves recognizing and valuing the individual as a person, not just as a coworker or employee.
In NVC, the principle of "Observations" involves making objective, nonjudgmental observations about a situation without evaluation or interpretation. This is somewhat related to the idea of recognizing and understanding the facts of a situation before proceeding with communication.
Challenging Directly (RC) vs. Feelings and Needs (NVC)
"Challenging Directly" in Radical Candor means providing honest feedback and addressing issues directly.
In NVC, "Feelings and Needs" are core principles that focus on recognizing and expressing feelings and needs, as well as understanding the feelings and needs of others. This relates to providing feedback in a way that acknowledges emotions and underlying needs, which can make it more constructive and less confrontational (this is so key!).
Radical Candor vs. Requests (NVC)
"Radical Candor" in the Radical Candor framework is about finding the balance between caring personally and challenging directly. It's about providing honest feedback while maintaining a sense of empathy and respect.
In NVC, "Requests" are a crucial aspect of communication. It involves making clear and specific requests rather than demands and goes hand-in-hand with being more constructive and less confrontational. This aligns with the idea of providing feedback in a way that invites cooperation and collaboration rather than coercion.
Getting and Giving Guidance (RC) vs. Strategies (NVC)
"Getting and Giving Guidance" in Radical Candor focuses on ongoing communication about performance and development. It emphasizes the importance of feedback and growth. In my mind, this is closely tied to how start-ups work and show results, which is something I like applying to my life whenever possible.
In NVC, "Strategies" refer to the actions or specific plans to meet someone's needs. While this may not directly correspond to giving and receiving feedback, it relates to finding solutions and strategies together when addressing conflicts or needs in a way that considers everyone's interests.
Summing it up
Our words and how we decide to use them have a power over others that we don't always recognize or know the extent of.
We spend most of our days working and we absolutely need to consider how we interact with other people and that's why I think studying and reading about it can get us so far. If you haven't already, try and give Radical Candor a read, by clicking the image above!
If this sort of thing is new to you and you've been in environments that disregard this type of communication but you would like to do it more in your life, this is what I recommend:
Start by applying these principles in low-stakes conversations and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations. Over time, these principles can become a natural part of your communication style, leading to more meaningful and productive interactions.
What do you think about this communication style? Does it speak to you? Let's chat in the comments!
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