As I write this post, I'm going through my first weekend living alone again, after moving to a small beach city to live with my partner.
This past month has been challenging. I've been dealing with a lot of grief, anger, sadness, and now, loneliness.
As I wrote about here, my partner has been working with construction on the road, and at the beginning of this year, I decided to accompany him and move to where I am now.
To be honest, I didn't expect I would be willing or be able to accompany a man as I did this year, as I've also written about here. Working remotely led me to testing this lifestyle and I can't confidently say I love it.
This time, though, I couldn't and didn't want to go with him. He left to live and work about 1000km from where I am now and we would get to see each other once a month.
As you can imagine, I've been reconsidering a lot of my choices and thinking about how I got to where I am.
Long-distance is not new to us, as we've been through it from Dec 2021 to April 2023 and this was also a big reason as to why I decided to move here and live with him once more. But was it in vain?
I don't think so. I needed to see how I felt living like this and if the discomfort of it all would be worth it to be back with my partner, but I can't seem to shake this sense of making more sacrifices. I think that's where a lot of my grief is coming from.
It also stems from the fact that I envisioned a different life for myself at this stage. Long-distance was not on the cards anymore and we would be so sure of each other's presence in both of our lives that we would base choices around it. Not expecting one to stay put while the other flies. Or maybe, expecting that, but in a more considerate way? And don't ask what I mean, because I don't know either.
I guess this is me venting and making sense of this new period of my life, even if I was not the one to choose it. I chose to stay and see what happens.
My dog is really going to need some therapy compensation.
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