A milestone and some reflections
I recently reached a milestone that I have been missing since 2022: completing a full year at a company.
I also got my first 1-year vacation one week after my first anniversary. Having enjoyed my first few days of vacation, and having faced some complicated months prior, I was left feeling quite uneasy and couldn't quite put my finger on it.
I was feeling guilty and like I lost some sense of direction. Was I enjoying my work life like I set out to?
Over the last few months, work started to be what it was when I had my first burnout crisis. Frequent 12 to 14h work days, unsatisfied clients, sleepless nights, uneasy Sundays, some minor but constant symptoms like skin rashes, and the feeling that I was always doing something wrong or wasn't doing enough. Of course, this comes from my past traumas as well, old habits die hard, I guess.
Once I spoke about it with several of my work colleagues, though, and the majority of them were also feeling like this, I concluded that the problem was more general than I thought.
If you don't already know, I started this blog to document how I would rebuild my post-burnout work relationship. My main goal was to find a healthier balance between pushing myself, being excited about a project, having patience, and prioritizing other areas of my life. That was not what was happening; it was quite the opposite, really. And where does the scarcity mindset fit into all of this?
The fear of change
Although I feel deep in my bones that the time has come for me to pursue something else... what if? What if I don't find a role that pays me enough? What if I don't find anything else remote and am forced to choose between my partner and my career? What if I spend even more time unemployed than I did last year? What if the people around me don't get it or judge me for hopping jobs? What if I'm left behind? What if I don't make it?
All of those thoughts led me down an anxiety spiral that went on for a couple of days, on and off, accompanied by some heartburn, fatigue, and insomnia.
I am petrified about scarcity. Not feeling or being enough, not being able to show people what I'm worth. I decided I was tired of feeling like this.
How do I break this cycle? What do I have in my life that I'm grateful for? What are the possibilities I have in front of me?
My weapons of choice
I've been told by colleagues and leaders that I work really well and by several that they would like to work with me again in the future in case we part ways. I made a ton of great international connections with people I truly admire. I made amazing friends and grew closer to those who meant more to me.
One of those people I admire and developed a friendship with is a work colleague from Colombia who, as a side hustle, offers paid mentorships to people who want to pursue a career abroad. When I told him it was time for me to move on, he was the first to offer his help, gifting me his mentorship free of charge.
I also opened a different door when I hired another mentor to teach me how to put together a dropshipping store, to which I would have more time to dedicate myself.
Besides that, I have an even more supportive partner and family.
So to fight my own scarcity mindset, I chose to be grateful, proud of my journey and to rely on the support I do have.
Finally, more than anything, I'm trying to let go and believe that good things will inevitably happen to me.
Scarcity is super hard to fight, and I don't think I need to completely get rid of it. It can be helpful to protect me from mishaps and can be useful when saving resources and preserving long-term goals, for example, but it cannot be crippling.
My weapons of choice are faith, support, pride, confidence, and a healthy amount of delusion. What are yours?
X.O.
IAS
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