You know, the first thing that springs to mind when we talk about asking "stupid questions" is shame. We've all been there – feeling a bit dumb or less than smart when we didn't get something that seemed obvious after it was explained.
I mean, come on, how could I not know that, right?
But here's the thing: how can we even know what the better questions are if we don't start with the so-called "stupid" ones? That's when it hit me, the amazing power of asking "stupid" questions.
From my perspective, there are two main abilities that would help to get through the fear of looking stupid or silly, which we'll discuss shortly. Then, I'll tell you a little story about my current and past jobs.
The abilities you practice when asking stupid questions
Shaking Up Assumptions
Assumptions are like invisible roadblocks that hinder our progress. They're formed through our past experiences, societal norms, and the influence of others, and they often go unquestioned. However, asking "stupid" questions serves as a powerful tool for taking down these ingrained assumptions and challenging the status quo in our own minds.
I'm not saying it's easy, either. I don't know about you, but from a very young age, I saw peers being ridiculed and shamed for not understanding everything right away and making mistakes. That can make quite an impression and form strong beliefs.
However, when we gather the courage to ask seemingly simple or silly questions, we're effectively pulling at the threads of those established beliefs. This act of questioning is like shaking the foundations of a building to see if it can withstand a challenge. And I can tell you right away that those beliefs based on trauma are quick to come down when shaken and confronted.
It's a critical process for innovation, growth, and personal development. As age and maturity started to hit harder and harder, I realized the amount of energy spent and stress I would save myself from if I was brave enough to ask the first question. Just the first one.
What I think is also quite valuable when talking about assumptions is the fact that we create an inclusive environment for other people to do the same.
The fear of judgment is not something we deal with alone in own little island. Everybody has it. Confronting this fear and asking "stupid" questions makes other people comfortable to do the same.
Starting small and building up
Asking "stupid" questions can be a great self-esteem exercise. More than not caring about what other people think or at least not letting it affect you as deeply, it's understanding and respecting your own learning process. It's knowing yourself well enough and honoring how you function the best.
On the more practical side, academically even, asking silly questions is an incremental process that builds confidence, refines understanding, and uncovers unexplored territories.
What is obvious to the other has already been explained to them. You have the right to get to that other side too.
In that sense, "stupid" questions are like the stepping stones to understanding something better. They give you the basic structure to build on, right?
It's like when you're learning to ride a bike; you start with training wheels, but as you get more confident, you can take them off and ride freely. So, by diving into the basics, you're setting yourself up to understand the more complex stuff later on.
My personal experience
My burnout taught me a lot about myself. I first started going down that road because I was feeling overwhelmed, with lots of tasks and teams to manage as well as technical topics I needed to study and expand on.
Back then, the pressure was on us to get everything done as soon as we could. Everything was a priority, I felt distant from my leadership and like I didn't have an opening to better understand my new scope.
More importantly, I didn't feel I had the space to ask the "stupid", silly questions I needed to ask, because I was afraid of being demoted or fired, both of which I was later on.
Not having that space and not being able to carve it out myself only made the pressure feel greater and paralyzed me more and more until I reached a breaking point, had my first burnout crisis, and left the company.
Currently, I am working on what some would say is my dream job. During the interviews, when I was asked about a mistake I made in the past and how I overcame it, I decided to touch on the lack of communication.
My example was along the lines of "I had many questions I didn't ask, so I didn't know what I was talking about when presenting a report that involved multiple teams. As you can imagine, it went very poorly.
I then went on to mention one of the greatest leaders I had, who is now one of my closest friends, and how she taught me about accountability and having a clear and open space to ask "stupid" questions. But the truth is that she was not working with me by that point and that's the lesson I wish I had learned at that moment.
I did learn it eventually, as you can tell, and now I make a point to not be left wondering or fending for myself without a clear path, or at least helpful advice.
And I have been complimented for it.
Turns out, not all my questions are stupid and they are all important to me.
And I can assure you that your questions aren't stupid either. Just ask the first one.
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