Is the grass greener on the other side?
Lately, I've been feeling somewhat lost. Linkedin has me spiraling into comparing myself to other people's careers and what they were able to achieve in life. I keep imagining how much they are making, what are their jobs like, and how their family describes their work life to peers. Are they happy? Are they excited?
We tend to think the grass is always greener on the other side and I've sure been guilty of that. I mean, just a few years ago I was in that position of being super young, in a corporate environment, making more than my parents were at my age. My family would talk about me very proudly, I was fulfilling one of my dreams of living in a megacity and had just moved out.
Back then, I remember not knowing exactly what I wanted to do for work, but I remember what I wanted the outcome to look like. Looking back, I feel I was very naive, in the best way possible. I was happy, open to possibilities, hopeful, and had all the energy in the world to make life start happening for me. I remember being so happy about what I had achieved. For the last four years of my life, I basically worked in project management and have a decent understanding of e-commerce and tech start-ups. But I didn't ever think that was what I was going to do, I just wanted to be in a work environment like that, you know?
When Covid hit, I had just got my first tiny apartment and was stuck alone for a long time. All the time I liked spending in the office getting to know people, talking, having coffee, having meetings, and whatnot, I didn't have anymore. I was stuck with my laptop and the many online meetings scheduled to have access to colleagues. Work started to get heavier and the great leadership I had was suddenly swapped. I saw all the joy I had slowly slipping through my fingers as time went on until I got to a state of utter avoidance, boredom, and inability to do anything work-related.
My mind now
Fast forward to now, having to take the time I needed to recover, I saw people I know looked up to me suddenly surpassing my progress. Honestly, I became very envious. I'm not proud to admit it, but once again, I decided not to judge myself or my feelings as they are uncontrollable and only a small part of who I am.
I saw close friends opening their own companies and getting promoted, and I compared them to my hurt self, recovering from severe burnout, having just spent many months unemployed. I was genuinely proud of them and happy they were achieving their goals, but what about me? Was I only gonna get a huge slice of humble pie in my own pity party?
Today, I tried to remind myself of something: a bad last year does not predict or dictate any next year to be good or bad. I get the chance every day to make efforts toward what I want to achieve for myself. The last couple of years were very tough, but they made me stronger.
It might be time for me to get my head down and focus on what I can do, let time go by for a while, and see where this second half of the year takes me.
The grass is greener where you water it.
Comments